The holidays can be a season with a very wide range of emotions and experiences. For many it is a time of fond memories and opportunities to create new lasting positive experiences with loved ones. For other it may not be so positive. Often family memories can be more traumatic than nostalgic, and the holidays may represent more broken-heartedness than joy. For those of us who can relate to the latter, it is imperative that we enter into this holiday season with a sense of preparedness as to not fall prey to potential triggers or snare of dysfunction.

Let us not only focus on how to survive the holidays, but to maintain our sobriety, embrace our sanity, and foster our serenity. Here are a few suggestions:

Survival -
The primary key to survival in the holiday season is BOUNDRIES. Maintain personal safety for yourself. Give yourself permission to say “NO.” Know your limits and communicate them, it is OK to say, “I’ll be there for a certain amount of time.”

Be aware of potential triggers and snares within the holidays. Here is a short list of holiday snares: food, families, alcohol, loneliness, stress, money issues and more. Be on your guard.

Sobriety -
We must be self-aware and prepared in order to maintain our sobriety and prevent relapse. In preparation for the holidays, clarify your communication expectations with your sponsor. And call them as prescribed.

If you are traveling or will be “home for the holidays” prepare in advance what meetings you’ll attend. Research their times and locations and let your sponsor know that you have done so.

Sanity-
It seems that our culture has sanctioned ‘insanity’ during the holiday season. For most people it is a time of indulgence. Spending more than the budget allows buying things for people who already have too much, or eating way more that anyone should, and the list goes on and on. We must be counter-cultural! Seek sanity in the midst of the culture of materialism and indulgence.

Serenity -
This is an excellent time of year to revitalize your spirituality. Remember that Christmas is the time we sing “Peace On Earth”, let’s focus on the God’s love and experiencing His Peace in our lives! May this passage encourage your serenity this holiday season - Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Have a great Holiday Season. God bless –

Mark Howerton MS, MFT
HOPE Care and Counseling
3001 Red Hill Ste. #1-216
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
(949) 933-6275
www.walkingbesideyou.org

Editor’s note: Mark has an extensive background as pastor as well as therapist. Few in his profession have his varied experience in treating addictions. Those who do not, run the risk of avoiding important underlying areas of familial and generational dysfunction. We at Pacific Hills enthusiastically endorse Mark’s work and refer clients and their families to him.

… taking the cheer out of the holidays

The winter holidays are a joyous time of year — and a time when many people experience their highest level of stress. In fact, 41 percent of Americans find the holidays very stressful, according to an NBC/ Prevention Magazine poll.

Holiday stress and depression are caused by a number of things: money, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, and the inability to be with one’s family. The increased demands of shopping, parties and family reunions also create tension.

Even people who do not become depressed during the holidays can develop stress reactions such as headaches, excessive eating and drinking, and difficulty sleeping. The extra stress and anxiety also doesn’t hit many people until after the holidays. The post-holiday letdown can be caused by emotional disappointments as well as physical reactions to fatigue and stress.

The Wheeler Clinic, a Connecticut state mental health and substance-abuse facility, offers these tips to help cope with the “holiday blues.”

KEEP EXPECTATIONS manageable. Pace yourself and organize your time. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do.

IT’S OK TO BE SAD. The holiday season does not automatically banish the reasons for feeling sad or lonely. There is room for these feelings to be present, even if you choose not to express them.

LIFE BRINGS CHANGES. Don’t be disappointed if your holidays are not like they used to be. Each holiday season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way.

DON’T DRINK! Alcohol intake will make you more depressed. Alcohol also causes hangovers and physical dehydration. Instead develop your menu of delicious non-alcohol drinks. (see “The Great Pretenders”, http://www.aaa.com/aaa/047/PDF/partyguide.pdf )

DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE else. Try volunteering time to help others.

TRY SOMETHING NEW. Don’t be afraid to celebrate in ways you have not tried before. Explore international or ethnic traditions that you can add to your holiday traditions.

AVOID TOXIC PEOPLE! Spend time with who are supportive and care about you. Make new friends if you are alone. Attend more AA or church meetings for a bit more holiday celebration.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. Nurture yourself with a nap, a long bath, or just close your eyes and meditate. Explore nature – if only in your neighborhood. Find or create that place of serenity if you cannot visit the mountains or the beach.

IF IN PAIN – DON’T PRETEND. If the recent loss of a loved one or other crisis in your life is making the holidays too stressful, Find a counselor who can help you professionally at this time. Your pastor will help bring God’s comfort when celebration is difficult. Grief recovery groups can be located in many churches in your area. Honor lost loved ones by reflecting on happier memories. Find a safe person with whom you can share these memories. Begin writing about your grief and your reflections in a journal.